The Final Straw.

Like the saying goes "Sometimes to find the truth, one must move mountains."
I've came to realize that you will never be with me because of him.
Maybe your love for me wasn't strong enough to leave and be with me.
I gave you the world and much more.
It hurts to know that you won't be mine , that after all this time i have been waiting on something that's never even been there.
I know deep down in my heart that you really do love me and you want to be with me but if that's so why not then? Why not leave him ? I might be sounding selfish but it's the truth.
I want you. I want all of you. Forever and more.
Guess i wasted all of my wishes on something false.
I don't regret falling in love with you because falling in love with you was the best thing that had ever happened to me and i will never forget you.
Maybe someday in your distant future, you'll wish you would've taken the chance with me.
But for me I moved my mountains and discovered peace.

Forever is fake.

YOU WANNA BE WITH YOU GOD DAMN BF?
THEN BE WITH HIM BUT I WILL NO LONGER STAY AND WAIT FOR YOUR DUMBASS.
I'M DONE. DON'T YOU DARE COME RUNNING TO ME EITHER.
YOU'RE A WASTE OF MY TIME.
FUCK LOVE.
FUCK EVERYTHING.

Noir Noel.

Noir Noel is the most amazing friend anyone could have ever asked for. 

He listens to you and understands. 

He's always there for me and i truly am always there for him because him and i both know that he can trust me.

He's the best noir amigo ever! <3

Christmas.

Hopefully this won't take long because i want to start reading again.
It's 2 days away from getting out of the shit hole and i am both sad and happy.
i am sad because i probably won't see her during break and i love seeing her face every day.
i am happy because i don't have to deal with stupid people and i get to sleep in.
I'm not much of a give a person a gift but i did a little something for her.
You guys probably think i'm such a romantic freak or have no life doing this shit but truth is i could give 2 shits wot you think because i'm doing this because i love her and i want to see her smile.
So i bought her some of her favorite chocolates and wrote her a letter.
I put these items in a christmas box and i am going to tell her not to open it until christmas day.
I want her to read the letter and smile because as i was writing it, i was.
She makes me the most happiest person in the world and i couldn't have asked for more.
Hopefully she'll enjoy the gift and have a wonderful christmas break.
I'll miss her for sure :/

New Yorker.

I don't understand as to why i feel this way.

i'm in love with this girl but yet i catch myself thinking about another one.

why must life be so complicated?

all i want is to be happy.

ever since my last gf, i've became bitter.

i hate everyone.

the world has no meaning.

i literally just wanna die.

my friends probably think i have this amazing life because i'm always smiling.

wot i honestly truly just want,

is her. 

I want my happiness back.

i want Danielle.

Postponing love.

So at this very time, i have to say that i need to focus on other needs rather than that shitty ass word called "love." Yesterday was my birthday and it couldn't have been better :] I could've used a kiss though. Anyways let me vent a little about love.

It's fucking stupid.
It's just a fairy tale.
It doesn't last forever.
It's full of shit.
No one cares.
I could give two fucking fucks about it.
It's dead to me.

So as you guise can see, love is not for me :]

Heartaches are for pussies.

I don't even know how to start this off.... welp i'm in love with this girl. always have and unfortunately always will be. I want to hold her, kiss her, i want for her to just give me one chance. It's been 2 years and i'm sick of waiting. I'm one heartless mother fucker let me tell you that because i really don't give a flying fuck about anyone's existence. My last break-up was horrible because i couldn't control my mother fucking hormones LIKE ALWAYS! (i'm such a dick) and i really loved that chick but fuck it. life goes on right? Right! but life doesn't go on the way it was going on. it starts to become hell, something you dread, it's like you're a lifeless zombie in a human world. Sometimes i want to rip my own heart out but then again there is no heart. I've turned into the person that i thought i would never turn into. it sucks but there's nothing i can do about it. you might be reading this and thinking omfg she's such a delusional bitch and that i'm just a whore. but no. i'm just so use to fucking bitches and hiding my feelings that, that's what kind of lifestyle i live. But then there she is, making me feel all fuzzy inside and i just want to kill myself because i can't stop that feeling. She has like this magnetic field where i'm attracted to her whenever i see her and i can't repel. Yeah i'm too young, we're all too young for heartaches but you just can't help it when you see the person you want to spent the rest of your life with. sometimes i wish i was a robot but ehhhh.

Stupid love books.

Today in French me and my partner (who is the awesomest male in the world) were discussing about books and shit. It happened to come up that both he and I HATE love books but the only reason i do is because it reminds me of you. Books only have a meaning if you have a reason. Calm down now, i'm not saying that books are worthless and what-not because let me tell you that they are not! Books are awesome and entertaining. It's just that these rectangular wooded objects give you a better perspective of life. You can be going through hell and that book will and can save your life. It can do miracles you guise. I hate when people are like "Books are for nerds and blah blah blah." like no shut the fuck up. Books are for the individuals that like to find themselves in literature. Just because you read a book doesn't necessarily mean you're a nerd, it just means you either like to read or you're searching for answers. This might sound ridiculous to some of y'all but my answers are always found within literature. I love it. Sometimes i can't even put a book down because i feel like it's became a part of me. But anyways back to the point, Books are more than just words written on paper. It takes the time and dedication to fully understand one. So next time you're feeling down or simply have nothing to do, pick up a book and then maybe you'll shut the fuck up.

Dividing my heart.

It sucks when the person you are in love with is also in love with someone else. It's like a burning sensation inside of you that you don't know how to control. You just wish for that one person to be yours and nothing else. It's difficult when you have to stand there and see them together but all you can do is just deal with this heartache. This heartache that will never go away because they have your heart and you only have 50% of theirs. I'm too young, we're all to young to be suffering from such heartache at such a young age. But it's true that no one wants to be alone and it's around this time of our lives that we seek that companionship. We want to feel loved and not unloved, we want someone to pay us enough interest so we wont feel unwanted.
The girl i love is in love with someone else and i wish there was an easy way out but honestly, i think the easiest thing to do at the moment is to just go with the flow and enjoy what's happening. People don't last forever. Love doesn't last forever. I don't know why we all base our love stories on movies and such dumb shit . We need to come to the realization that what we want doesn't always come out the way we want it to. I've learned that the hard way.

The Hormones.

Teenagers these days man. They're all about sex and alcohol. I honestly don't mind because I myself do that kind or shit. It's like I see a hot ass girl with nice ass tits and a nice ass and immediately want to fuck her brains out. I don't know what happens with my brain but it goes bananas for vagina let me tell you that. I've only ate vagina a couple of times and man was it great. I love hearing a woman moan and screaming my name, it's just so fucking attractive. I can't control my 16 year old hormones anymore.

I LOVE SEX. WITH WOMEN.

Puerto Rican.

There's this girl that i have liked for the past year or so and we have been on and off because she has a boyfriend. It really sucks because i want to be with her and she says she wants to be with me but her actions say otherwise. ugh i dunno what to do or say anymore because i really don't want to lose this amazing girl i have. i mean i know she's not even mine but to me she's like my little piece of heaven. Maybe one day she'll realize that the right person has always and always will be right in front of her. That girl is you.