The Final Straw.

Like the saying goes "Sometimes to find the truth, one must move mountains."
I've came to realize that you will never be with me because of him.
Maybe your love for me wasn't strong enough to leave and be with me.
I gave you the world and much more.
It hurts to know that you won't be mine , that after all this time i have been waiting on something that's never even been there.
I know deep down in my heart that you really do love me and you want to be with me but if that's so why not then? Why not leave him ? I might be sounding selfish but it's the truth.
I want you. I want all of you. Forever and more.
Guess i wasted all of my wishes on something false.
I don't regret falling in love with you because falling in love with you was the best thing that had ever happened to me and i will never forget you.
Maybe someday in your distant future, you'll wish you would've taken the chance with me.
But for me I moved my mountains and discovered peace.

Forever is fake.

YOU WANNA BE WITH YOU GOD DAMN BF?
THEN BE WITH HIM BUT I WILL NO LONGER STAY AND WAIT FOR YOUR DUMBASS.
I'M DONE. DON'T YOU DARE COME RUNNING TO ME EITHER.
YOU'RE A WASTE OF MY TIME.
FUCK LOVE.
FUCK EVERYTHING.

Noir Noel.

Noir Noel is the most amazing friend anyone could have ever asked for. 

He listens to you and understands. 

He's always there for me and i truly am always there for him because him and i both know that he can trust me.

He's the best noir amigo ever! <3

Christmas.

Hopefully this won't take long because i want to start reading again.
It's 2 days away from getting out of the shit hole and i am both sad and happy.
i am sad because i probably won't see her during break and i love seeing her face every day.
i am happy because i don't have to deal with stupid people and i get to sleep in.
I'm not much of a give a person a gift but i did a little something for her.
You guys probably think i'm such a romantic freak or have no life doing this shit but truth is i could give 2 shits wot you think because i'm doing this because i love her and i want to see her smile.
So i bought her some of her favorite chocolates and wrote her a letter.
I put these items in a christmas box and i am going to tell her not to open it until christmas day.
I want her to read the letter and smile because as i was writing it, i was.
She makes me the most happiest person in the world and i couldn't have asked for more.
Hopefully she'll enjoy the gift and have a wonderful christmas break.
I'll miss her for sure :/

New Yorker.

I don't understand as to why i feel this way.

i'm in love with this girl but yet i catch myself thinking about another one.

why must life be so complicated?

all i want is to be happy.

ever since my last gf, i've became bitter.

i hate everyone.

the world has no meaning.

i literally just wanna die.

my friends probably think i have this amazing life because i'm always smiling.

wot i honestly truly just want,

is her. 

I want my happiness back.

i want Danielle.

Postponing love.

So at this very time, i have to say that i need to focus on other needs rather than that shitty ass word called "love." Yesterday was my birthday and it couldn't have been better :] I could've used a kiss though. Anyways let me vent a little about love.

It's fucking stupid.
It's just a fairy tale.
It doesn't last forever.
It's full of shit.
No one cares.
I could give two fucking fucks about it.
It's dead to me.

So as you guise can see, love is not for me :]

Heartaches are for pussies.

I don't even know how to start this off.... welp i'm in love with this girl. always have and unfortunately always will be. I want to hold her, kiss her, i want for her to just give me one chance. It's been 2 years and i'm sick of waiting. I'm one heartless mother fucker let me tell you that because i really don't give a flying fuck about anyone's existence. My last break-up was horrible because i couldn't control my mother fucking hormones LIKE ALWAYS! (i'm such a dick) and i really loved that chick but fuck it. life goes on right? Right! but life doesn't go on the way it was going on. it starts to become hell, something you dread, it's like you're a lifeless zombie in a human world. Sometimes i want to rip my own heart out but then again there is no heart. I've turned into the person that i thought i would never turn into. it sucks but there's nothing i can do about it. you might be reading this and thinking omfg she's such a delusional bitch and that i'm just a whore. but no. i'm just so use to fucking bitches and hiding my feelings that, that's what kind of lifestyle i live. But then there she is, making me feel all fuzzy inside and i just want to kill myself because i can't stop that feeling. She has like this magnetic field where i'm attracted to her whenever i see her and i can't repel. Yeah i'm too young, we're all too young for heartaches but you just can't help it when you see the person you want to spent the rest of your life with. sometimes i wish i was a robot but ehhhh.